Pesso Boyden Journeying Thus far…
So this is the month that I take my first adventurous leap into the world of Pesso Boyden Psychotherapy Training.
I’m wanting to share some of the conscious changes I have already made to my own life since becoming curious about this model of psychotherapy as a way of hopefully inspiring a few of you!
First let me share a little bit about this model of psychotherapy, as I’m sure many of you have never heard of it.
“Pesso Boyden System Psychomotor (PBSP) is a body-mind approach to human psychological development. … Body-mind information and experiences are utilised, applying well defined principles and techniques which are offered to participants in a way that empowers them to stay in charge of their own therapeutic process.”
“This highly respectful approach helps you to access the hidden emotional processes and limiting patterns (based on experiences of the past) that continue to influence your present-day emotions, attitudes, expectations and decisions.”
“Created in 1961 by Albert Pesso and Diane Boyden-Pesso, Pesso Boyden System Psychomotor (PBSP) is the most advanced therapeutic system available for emotional re-education or reprogramming. PBSP heals past emotional deficits using unique processes called ‘Structures’ and ‘Microtracking™’ that help clients to identify emotional deficits and create ‘new memories’. These ‘new memories’ provide symbolic fulfillment of the basic developmental needs of place, nurture, support, protection and limits. With the inclusion of ‘Holes and Roles,’ the latest innovation in PBSP theory and technique, therapists learn how to provide a highly effective and streamlined approach to reducing resistance, negative transference, and somatic overload. Many aspects of PBSP theories and techniques have close parallels in recent neuroscience findings about mirrorneurons, empathy, morality, and the impact of language on the theory of mind. “
In yoga we talk a lot about letting go of what no longer serves us.
Just take a moment to pause… consider what isn’t serving you in your life right now ?
It may be that 20thcup of coffee each day! This was a “thing” for somebody I once met!
It may be a toxic friendship/relationship – I think we’ve all experienced one or two of those at some point or other – Maybe we’re still holding onto it ?
Maybe it’s become an all consuming, part of our “identity”, part of who we think we are or what we deserve. A weight we’re conditioned to carry.
It may even be a story we continue to play out, on loop, in our body-mind. A story that makes us feel energetically and emotionally depleted, weighed down and not good enough. Maybe we approach it with a “suck it up buttercup” attitude, with the view that there are more important tasks to focus on in life.
Maybe it’s a physically held contraction (we hold on to trauma in our organs you know). Our childhood experiences – The bitter “stuff” we were possibly force fed as a child, thinking it was our job to digest it and carry on. It could be that incident at school with a teacher, or with a parent, or a friend/colleague etc… Were you heard, seen and nurtured ? All the basic requirement needed in order to feel wholesome.
I know my English teacher messed with my head. I carried her fleeting negative comments about my rubbish essay writing skills through many of my adult years. Had she known this, I’m sure she would have attempted to change her course of chosen words! She didn’t intend to have such a negative influence on my life, I’m sure of that. Even typing this now I begin to feel I can’t write for shit! That inner critic amplifying what was said to me at the age of 14, 30 bloody years ago!! However, luckily I have finally chosen to lower the volume on that movie. It’s still there, but I’ve managed to tame it a little and type and share anyway…
These physical, emotional and mental contractions get stored away deep with-in our bodies memory. Our body is an expansive filing cabinet for our life experiences. Each emotional, physical and mental knock gets stored inside us somewhere.
The unresolved, often traumatic experiences, our ‘hefty baggage’ tends to show up at some stage in our life. Often as physical noise (pain), mental/physical illnesses, imbalances and dis-ease. It’s really important we learn methods that will empower our own personal journey, allowing the gradual processing of these ‘vales of bondage’. Learning to embody the art of self –regulation is a must.
Those of you reading this will already know, as I have been banging on for a few years now, about the healing powers of yoga as therapy. My commitment to my own yoga practice of the physical, the breath and of meditation continues to offer me structure and stability for self-enquiry and I see it offering the same platform to many others each week too.
So coming back to Pesso Boyden, like I mentioned above, I am literally on my first baby step in discovering this model of work. I’m finding it pretty fascinating thus far. Part of the process I’m discovering and trying to implement in my own life and awareness is the idea that we can actually create new “Ideal” memories. Change the “movies” that are on loop so-to-speak. The ones titled “Me & My Life”.
So here is where I’ve started to update my own movie collection.
The first one was in my marriage! So Sam and I have been together for a whooping 18 years this February. That’s pretty insane!
I recently noticed how we were living in our repetitive habits of communication. Mainly in the way we would respond to certain discussions and dialogue. We’d become the Sam and Karly show. Our story patterns and reactions on a continual loop, sometimes quite destructive. Our reactions to one another would always amplify a particular response that would feed the next stage. Often resulting in a felt sense of fury and frustration, anger and guilt. I’ll give you an example…
Me voicing: “Sam I’m frigging bored, can you not entertain me some how? Tell me a joke (not a swiss one (Sam’s swiss) coz they’re not even funny).
Me thinking: Sam make me frigging happy – Come on, I need entertaining. (Fustration).
Sam voicing: “You know I’m not the funniest person in the world. I never claimed to be! I even told you when we met that you’d get bored.” (withdraws).
Sam thinking: “I cant even make Karly laugh. (withdraws) Or, “ah just leave me in my peace and entertain your frigging self. I just want to go surfing!” “cant you just make yourself laugh mate!” (Fustration)
Honestly this has been a movie we have played out over and over.
Luckily, we’re a couple that moves on from conflict pretty fast. Two Aquarians. Far too much to get on with in life to dwell on the dramas!
Here comes the good bit. Through becoming curious and studying this sort of behaviour more and more I decided I had to change my own approach to expressing my frustrations in my marriage, take responsibility for what I had been doing habitually. As the outcome wasn’t serving either of us. It wasn’t fair and a simple change in voice tone and my wording changed the script in a profoundly positive way.
I kid you not, the findings have been life affirming.
Here is an example of how it may go now-a-days (when I’m being conscious!):
Me voicing; “Sam, I’m feeling like we need to do something fun together. I’m feeling a sense of adventure and I want to do something about it. Do you want to join me?”
Me thinking: “Sam entertain me”
Sam says; “Yeah cool, lets do something”. (Proceeding to come up with ideas from a place of ‘I’ve got this Karly’). (No withdrawing, no frustration, no not feeling good enough)
Sam thinking: “Yeah lets do this” (Coz I can).
Owning and changing my own behaviour and perceptions, allowed for a change in Sam’s reaction. Which instead of depleting our relationship has allowed for further growth and an “ideal” marriage!
Another recent profound example of mindfully resetting old memory patterns from what is, to the ideal situation, of how it could be, took place last night.
Without going into too much detail about the actual movie itself, as we’ll be here all day – this one runs very deep (I’m saving it for a book!).
So last night I spent some time with one of my dear friends. I will call her Emily for the sake of it!
My mum and dad divorced when I was 4 years old. . I actually titled this blockbuster ‘Another Wounded Child’. Recently I decided I wanted to take control of this script instead of it defining my life in any way. I am content with my blue print, it’s what’s lead me here today. I like who I am, I like where I’m at and I like the strength my movie has cultivated in me. So I wouldn’t change it, even if I could. I’ve just changed the way I relate to it. I also want to express how I let go of blame, shame and pain. I did this by dropping labels and expectations and learning to live each day moment by moment (thanks to yoga).
I love my mum, although, we have had our differences, I feel she’s done the best she could do, given the circumstances. I don’t know my dad overly well. Yes I know him in the sense I have seen him, been in his company, on average once, twice a year though out my life, but I don’t know him as a person. I’ve mainly had to communicate with him via my step mum. Apparently he doesn’t like telephones! My relationship with both of them has recently been challenged. But I shan’t enter that blockbuster just now. All I will say is that he is an absent father and her priorities have always lay with her immediate family.
So last night I was chatting to Emily about her love for her step children. I love to witness this union. I love to hear Emily talk about how much love she has for them. Evidently I get to witness this through my own curious eyes every time I am in their company or every time she talks of them to me.
So when we chat I find myself really embodying that sense of love she has for her own step children.
As well as seeing and listening to this, I make sure I feel it too. I embody it. I’ve become pretty good at embodiment! It is a skill – one I highly advocate learning.
When we learn to embody the ideal situation – The ideal English teacher, the ideal husband, the ideal step mum, the ideal cup of tea! so on and so forth… it begins to change the way we internally feel about our personal daily struggles. It proceeds to also change the way we view ourselves, our relationships with others and our reactions to life’s challenges. In my own experience I can honestly say I have gained so much more self-love, acceptance and empathy. We obviously remain with our old memories, but we are better equipped to choose which ones we want to focus on. Really helpful at times.
Each time I feel myself slipping back into old dialogues, scripts, habits & patterns. First I check in and ask myself if this story is serving my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical wellbeing and growth? If it isn’t I will try to sit back and become my own director. Using the skills I continue to study, embody and share. Inviting in a deeper felt sense of love and compassion. Which then, consequently, ripples out all around me! Influencing my experiences and allowing me to be the best version of myself.
I’m so passionate about this work. It’s a lifelong study that I will never bore of. It’s a commitment to self enquiry and a commitment to share my findings with others it may help. For that I am forever grateful and hugely excited.
Thanks for reading. Plus, feel free to connect with me if you have any questions.
Much love X